To the begining

'Tomorrow'
Sunday, Jun. 02, 2002 ~ 1:20 p.m.

"'Tomorrow' came sooner than I was really ready for. I thought about pleading sickness and hiding in the wagon, but I knew Jean would see right through it. He wouldn't say anything, but the look on his face would be too much for me to bear.

"It was around lunch time when I finally stepped out to face everyone.

"Every time I left the wagon before, I never looked at any of them, but I knew they watched me, looking for some sign that I would get over what happened and forgive them. Before that time, I had never given them that sign.

"I looked at each of them individually, barely smiling to let them know I was okay. No one said a word. Perhaps it was shock. Perhaps it was a fear that someone might say something that would send me running again.

"It was me who finally broke the silence. I told them that I was okay and that they didn't have to worry any longer. I told them that I knew it was an accident and that I wasn't afraid of them. Most of it was true, but I still had that lingering fear inside of me.

"The day went well after that. I didn't feel the need to run away and hide in the wagon. The girls my age drew me into their group and we just talked about girl things and eventually I felt comfortable.

"That evening we ate, we sang and we danced. I guess witnessing the accidental rape and murder had blocked out how much I enjoyed being a part of the group. They were my family.

"I turned in late that night, but Jean was still up, waiting to ask me a question.

"'Well, was it as awful as you thought it would be?'

"I almost had to laugh at him. He sounded so much like a mother. 'No, it wasn't. I actually enjoyed it and I admit, you were right.'

"It was his turn to laugh, but he didn't say anything more about it. He just said that I was ready but it would have to wait 'til morning."

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